Body language: something that the majority of people pay little to no attention to. Using body language in the correct way can be used to influence others and gain authority. If you have bad habits with body language, you could come across as having low confidence, perceived as lazy, and a weak person. Something that a potential partner or a boss pays close attention to.
In this video, we’re going to be reviewing the book: The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pease.
This book will help you gain a greater insight into communication with others and will make meeting new people an exciting experience.
Lesson 1: understanding the basics.
According to the authors of this book, women are way more perceptive than the majority of men. This means that they are able to spot the contradictions between someone’s words and their body language.
Women pay really close attention to small details. This is why most men are caught lying to their women.
Psychologists at Harvard University conducted a study that showed that women pay more attention to body language than men.
The participants were asked to watch a short video of a conversation between a man and a woman. The participants were asked to decode what was going on by reading their expressions. Women scored accurately 87 percent and men scored accurately 42 percent. This is also true for mothers since they depend on the toddlers’ non-verbal signals in their first years. Most women have the capacity to out-communicate any man on the planet. MRI scans show that woman have 14 to 16 areas in the brain to evaluate others’ behaviours versus a man; four to six areas in the brain. This explains why women say men talk very little and men say women never shut up.
The female brain is organised for multiple tracking.
The average woman can talk on the phone, watch her favourite TV show, listen to a second conversation, and drink a cup of coffee all at the same time.
If you pay attention to fortune tellers, most of them are women. They say they have the power to see a person’s future. Research into the fortune telling shows that they use a technique called cold reading, which has an accuracy of almost 80 percent when reading a person you just met. This is done by close examination of people’s body language. If you would like to do a better job when reading someone’s body language, here are three rules.
Number one: read gestures in clusters.
This means that when you are trying to read someone’s body language, you should know that each gesture is like one word with different meanings.
For example, the words nails.
This words can mean a toe nail or a sharp metal piece used in construction.
It’s only when you apply your word to a sentence with other words that you can understand what the word means.
Gestures come in sentences called clusters, which will reveal a person’s attitude or feelings.
A body language cluster, just like a sentence, needs around three words in it before you can accurately define each of the words.
Let’s look at a cluster example.
If someone has their arms and legs crossed and their head and chin are facing down and their hand holds the chin while listening to someone, this can mean they are unimpressed to what they’re hearing.
The first gesture in this cluster is to fold your arms and legs, which are a signal for defence.
The second gesture here is the head and chin down signal, which reveals being negative or hostile.
And the third gesture is the hand supporting the chin, which reveals boredom.
Number two: look for congruence.
When non-verbal signals and verbal signals are incongruent, people, especially women, depend on the non-verbal messages and disregard the verbal context.
For example, let’s say someone disagrees with you. Their body language will align with their verbal sentences. If the person agrees but their body disagrees, this will be incongruent.
Number three: read gestures in context.
If the person across of you have their arms and legs tightly closed with their chin down when you are trying to sell them something, this will mean they are feeling negative or is rejecting your offer.
If a person has the same body language but they are outside in a cold weather, this will simply mean that they are cold and not defensive
like the other individual sitting across of you.
Learn how to put things in context before trying to read someone’s body language or else your evaluation will be weak.
Another way to become a better reader is to watch TV with no audio and practise reading people’s body language.
You can also go into a public space and examine people’s body language.
Lesson 2: the power is in your hands.
If you want to come across as honest and friendly, show your palms when you talk. This will show that you’re not armed and that you are not a threat. This happens subconsciously.
A person tries to show their palms when they say things like “I didn’t do it” to show that he’s being honest.
A man trying to lie to his woman will tend to hide his palms, which will give off a rare feeling which says he’s lying.
In the other hand, women will try to look busy or talk about unrelated topics to avoid the subject when they are lying.
Sale persons are taught to keep an eye out to a customer’s palms as they explain why they cannot buy their product.
If their palms are open, they’re giving a valid explanation.
When their palms are closed, they’re usually lying.
That being said, learning how to read someone’s hands can become a valuable tool to unmask a liar or hire an honest person.
Also, by simply keeping your palms open, you can pressure another person to be honest as well.
There are three main palm command gestures you should know about.
Number one: the palm up position.
This shows submissiveness and non-threatening. Use this hand gesture when talking to people.
Number two: palm down position.
This shows immediate authority, similar to the hand gesture that Hitler used.
Number three: hand closed, finger pointed position.
This evokes negative feelings and this can translate to something like “Do it or else”.
It’s portrayed by people as annoying.
The authors of this book recommend you shake hands with people that are happy to meet you.
Do not initiate the handshake with a person who dislikes you because a handshake is a sign of trust and welcoming.
So if you initiate the handshake with a person that’s not happy to see you, you are forcing them to meet you.
Instead, wait for them to initiate the handshake or use a small head nod as a greeting.
Women who initiate the handshake in some places are perceived as more open-minded and make better first impressions.
There are three basic subconscious attitudes that are transmitted when you handshake with someone you just met.
Number one: dominance.
This can translate to something like “He’s trying to dominate me, I have to be cautious”.
This happens when a hand is slightly turned in, palms facing down. It does not have to be fully facing down, but if the person’s hand is on top of yours they are giving you a dominant handshake. If your hand is slightly facing up, the person might be trying to dominate you. This is usually done by managers, especially men.
If someone gives you this handshake, you can straighten their hand by getting your left hand and putting it on top of theirs to straighten out the handshake.
This is a good method for women to use when they get this handshake. If you get this handshake often with a certain person who may be trying to intimidate you on purpose, when they reach out to shake your hand, grab the top of their hand and shake.
But be aware this will surprise the person, so use it as a last resort.
Number two: submission.
This can translate to “I can dominate this person, he’ll do what I want”.
Your palm is usually facing up.
This is effective when you want someone else to take control or make the other person feel in control of the situation.
For example, when you’re making an apology.
And number three: equality.
This can translate to “I feel comfortable with this person”.
When two dominant people shake hands, a symbolic power struggle happens as both try to turn their hands into submission.
This creates a feeling of equality and respect. These messages are sent without us even being aware of them.
In order to create a rapport with someone, use these two steps:
first, make sure your hand and the other person’s hand are in a vertical position so that there’s no dominance or submission.
And second, apply the same amount of pressure they give you.
For example, from a scale of one to ten, if they give you a five and you give them a seven, go down to their level.
If they give you an eight and you’re a four, step it up.
For women, it’s a good idea to reach out their hand as early as possible to avoid awkward handshakes with men.
Lesson 3: the magic of smiles and laughter.
A French scientist in the 19th century did the first study in the topic of smiling.
He studied the heads of the people executed on the guillotine to examine how the face muscles work. He discovered the two muscles that control a smile.
The zygomatic major muscles that run down the side of the face and connect to the corners of the mouth which pulls the mouth back to show the teeth and the second muscle called the orbicularis oculi that pulls the eyes back and causes the eyes to get narrow and produce the crow’s feet effect on the side of the eyes when smiling.
The zygomatic major can be controlled and are used in fake smiles. The orbicularis oculi act independently and show a true smile.
If you want to know if a smile is a true smile, check for the wrinkles on the side of the eyes.
People who lie will smile with their mouths.
When we smile at someone, the other person usually tends to smile back.
This happens automatically.
A professor by the name of Ruth Campbell from University College London believes we have a mirror neuron in our brains that is responsible for recognizing faces and expressions.
He says that we tend to copy other facial expressions without us even knowing.
This is why you should smile often at people, so that they can have a positive attitude towards you.
On the other hand, if someone never smiles and the corners of their mouth are turned downward this usually shows that they kept negative emotions throughout their life.
If kept this way, the corners of the mouth will permanently stay that way, which gives the appearance of a bulldog.
Studies show that people tend to stay away from these individuals, give them less eye contact, and avoid them when they walk their way.
So if this is you, you should practise smiling more often.
Or else, people will run away from you.
Not a good thing when trying to socialise.
Also, men are seen as more attractive by women if they can make them or other people laugh.
This is because the ability to make others laugh is seen as dominant and women prefer someone who’s dominant.
Practise on smiling often.
This will create a more positive atmosphere to the people around you.
Lesson 4: arm signals.
When someone has a negative or defensive attitude, it’s likely for the other person to fold his arms on his chest, showing that he’s feeling threatened.
This is because as children, we learn to hide behind something to protect ourselves.
We hid behind our mothers or a table whenever we felt threatened.
As we grew older, we learn that hiding behind things is not acceptable, so we begin using our arms to protect ourselves.
Crossed arms are meant to put a barrier between you and that person you don’t like.
People who use the crossed arm gestures come across as uncertain or insecure.
People tend to say they do this gesture because they feel comfortable, but remember when you use your body a certain way you signal others without even knowing.
Others will react negatively to your gesture. Practise on not folding your arms in public settings.
This will make you more approachable.
Salespersons are taught to keep an eye out to those who have folded arms.
When they spot someone doing this gesture, they have to find a way to unfold their arms by making them hold something like a book, a pen, a sample, etc.
This will make the other person lean forward, which is a gesture of interest.
Lesson 5 : The Power of Touch.
You can also practise the power of touch by touching a person’s elbow or hand.
This is okay because they are considered a public space and away from intimate parts.
But be careful not to do it on everyone because in other countries, this is not acceptable.
Doing a light three second elbow or hand touch can create a momentary bond with someone.
If someone looks at your hand when you do this, don’t repeat the action.
This shows they don’t trust you.
Elbow hand touch, when done discreetly, grabs attention, reinforces a comment, increases influence on others, makes people remember you, and creates a positive impression.
There you have it, guys.
A quick review on this book that will help you become one percent better.
Thanks for taking the time and God bless.
And make sure to subscribe.
Also, let your friends know about my Spanish Youtube channel which covers the same content, but in Spanish. Link will be in the description. Until next time.